Disclaimers: The
characters used are the property of MGM and Trilogy. No financial or creative
rights are claimed to the characters from the Magnificent Seven Television
series.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Language,Violence
Spoilers: Refers
to Walking the Roots
*******************
Things had been preyin' on him somethin' fierce. Every time he thought he
was close to it, it was lost. A bad trail. Trackin' the land came easy, trackin'
his feelings; a man like Vin Tanner had no use for that. No time to ponder on
things that couldn't be changed. Vin knew it was close
to the time his ma had died. The weather was a true sign. Almost, spring. New life....for him only dyin.'
Gone, captured and locked away.
The worst of it
was the bits and pieces of memory. Memories of a time just after his ma had
passed. He remembered a farm, rundown. He remembered three boys, mean and sulkin'. No happiness a'tall. Vin was sent there to live with this family of sadness. Vin had enough of his own, didn't want none of theirs.
Vin remembered a big man with big
hands. They were hands full of fury, hands worn-out from years of toilin' with little reward, hands that filled Vin with fear. 'Sir' was a big man., mean and sulkin' like the others.
'Woman', the
only name Vin remembered her being called, was with
child. Worn-out and old like 'Sirs' hands. Played out.
Didn't seem right that she was to have a baby. Didn't seem right that a baby had to be born here into the sadness.
Strange though, the woman seemed to show scraps of happiness now and again. A
little bit at the edge of her lips or in the corner of her eye. Just something
so fleetin', Vin had to look
really close to catch it. The comin' baby made '
woman' happy. Vin felt happy for her.
"Vin, where you at?" Nathan looked at him piercingly,
eyes keen. "Time to head out. Maggie Dolan's baby
ain't gonna be waitin' on
us."
"Right with ya, Nathan." Vin rose quickly away from his scattered
memories.
Nathan had asked
Vin to ride out with him to the Dolan farm. It was aways from town and it seemed to the boys that Vin needed some time away. They had sensed somethin' brewin' within him. Surely, somethin' wasn't right. Vin was never easy to read, his sign was never given away,
never tracked.
"Reckon
I'll head over ta Nettie's after the baby comes, if'n ya don't need me none." Vin
thought of Nettie and a sliver of calm passed over him. Nettie and the boys meant
more to Vin Tanner than he would like to acknowledge. They had laid claim to
him, tyin' him down. It wore on a body that warn't use to it. It wore on Vin.
But the good of it was stronger than the fear of it. He had a home.
"Sure, Vin. Things should be easy." Nathan smiled over at Vin. " It ain't
Miz Dolan's first. Should be
quick."
Maybe Miz Nettie will find out what's preyin'
on him. Nathan chose to believe all things could be healed, if given the tools
and the skill and God's will. Nettie Wells had all that when it came to Vin
Tanner and Nathan was grateful.
"Spring is
a good time for a baby to be born. Nature works things out like that."
Vin ducked his head down low.
Somethin' stirred in him, images of his ma and of a baby. Capture it, lock it
away.
Vin was quiet on the ride. Nathan
was used to that. He really didn't mind. Nathan knew he would allow this man
beside him anythin', would give this man anythin'. Happiness and Vin Tanner did not seem to walk
easy together. Life had seen to that. But at the very least his tranquillity might be restored to him, even if Nathan had
to wrestle it barehanded back himself. Nathan wouldn't be alone in the fight.
He knew the other men would be right by his side, 'specially
Chris. They would fight long and hard for Vin. Nathan
knew what struggle was all about and he read the lines of struggle and hardship
and pain on Vin, just as clear as Vin read the land
with all its ruts and crevices. No matter how hidden ,
how buried, Nathan read it all too well.
************************************
They finally
reached the farm, worn-down by weather and years, like all things of this land,
this harsh life in the wilds. Worn-down in outward appearance, but sturdy in
the bones, like the men and women that worked and loved and lived on the land.
Some beaten, those weak of heart, but others striving, surviving and living
with the knowledge, the satisfaction of reaping one more day, one more year.
That's all they could ask of themselves and of God. Good fortune was not always
there for the taking and what came their way was dealt with and conquered. All
things replenished after destruction, to begin again. That was the way of
things, not to be questioned.
The Dolan's were
a hearty group full of joviality and kindness. The Irish lilt still present in
Maggie's voice was like music to Vin. Music of other worlds far away and out of reach, but still not
unlike the music of the Comanche and Kiowa or that of the land itself.
Each had a rhythm that could be felt within his heart, within his soul. The
rhythm of life, a poetry, steady and strong.
Vin watched as Nathan set to his
task, talking calmly to Maggie, ushering her husband Francis out for clean
linens and hot water. Always the hot water, was it necessary or just keepin' the anxious busy. All seemed in
control, in anticipation of the arduous task that all woman in childbirth must
face. Maggie Dolan seemed prepared knowing that the cycle of life would
be forthcoming and there wasn't a darn thing she could do to stop it. Her fear
was put aside. Each moment a will of survival for herself and
her unborn child. Her faith placed in the hands of God and Nathan.
The Dolan's had
been blessed , Francis would always say, with two boys
and two girls. All dark-haired and blue-eyed, Black Irish,
like Maggie's father and his father before him. A pride in their eyes so
fierce, so strongly tied to roots deeper than Vin
could ever dare to dream about or ever know. Family history shared in song and
story. A family of joy, unlike the other. Lock it
away.
"Nathan,
need anythin'?" Vin
wanted to allow Maggie her dignity. His place was not here. Nathan sensing Vin's unease gave him a quick nod. "All set, Vin.
Thanks."
"Alright, then. Be right
outside with the others waitin' on your blessin'." Vin smiled at
Maggie and tipped his hat to her.
Maggie smiled
and sang out, "What the Almighty puts us poor women through, it's a wonder
we survive at all. The Blessing does outweigh the pain, but at moments like
this ya wonder if another path should have been taken. Ya hear that Francis, my
boy. I hope you don't mind being lonely for a few years. This one for sure is
taken a toll.'" Maggie let out a scream that filled the night and the Baby
was brought into the world covered with life's fluids and blood.
Vin did not have a chance to escape
as Nathan hollered for the clean linens and water to bathe the babe. Nathan's
face showed fear. Somethin' wasn't right. Nathan grabbed the child by the feet,
slapping forcefully, but not injuring. No cry, no breath. Maggie released a sound
filled with the sorrow of a thousand women's suffering. A grief so deep, not
even the passage of time could ever relinquish its hold on a mother's heart.
Vin stood stone- still, the horror
before him bringing up memories of another baby's passing. A baby born with the
purest beauty, hair so light, like wisps of clouds placed around its face, eyes
bluer than the sky itself. This baby died, too. Vin
shuddered down to his soul. Lockin' it away. Lockin' it away.
The family
gathered around the still-born baby and mother. Eyes filled with pain, but
strength that this would be surmountable with love and caring. Francis held
Maggie tightly and cried into her breast. With a mothers' love and the strength
of woman, she wrapped him in her arms, giving comfort. Nathan turned away,
wiping a tear. He could do nothing, but hand the baby back to God. God's ways
he did not always understand, but accepted without hesitation. A healer could
not always save. A truth he had come to terms with so many losses and years
ago.
They rode back
silently to town. Vin no longer wanted to visit
Nettie. He was not ready for speaking. He was afraid to let words out for fear
they would betray him. Some deep haunting memory that seemed
to be aching to be released. But he would not let it. He did not want it
to claim his soul, again.
"Ya'll did your best by them, Nathan. Ain't
much more a man can do." Vin looked into Nathan's
eyes, offering what solace he could give. "They're strong people. In time,
it'll be all right. Everythin' needs time ta mend." Vin offered his
hand. Nathan looked at Vin closely and grasped the
outstretched hand tightly.
'What needs mendin' in you, Vin?' Nathan
wondered to himself. Nathan sighed deeply, "Thanks, Vin. I'm glad you were
with me. It ain't easy losin'
somethin' so precious, so quickly. Don't make no sense
a'tall. None a'tall."
"Nothin' usually does. It just the way of
things." Vin tipped his hat brim and rode
away. Vin was bone-weary tired. His memories and a
mother's pain pierced his soul. Vin headed just outside
of town to set and maybe to sleep. And if the spirits allowed, it would be
without dreams.
************************
He woke before
the sunrise, which was his way. Sleep did not come to Vin
easily. He was always wary of the night. His only comfort was in the shadows,
hidden away from all that might do him harm. The passing night did not bring
him the needed respite he had hoped for himself, only nagging fragments of a
memory from the eyes of a five year old boy.
'Woman' with child, worn-out and tired. Vin helpin'
with the chores, never quite useful enough to suit her needs. 'Sir' tall and brutal, callin' for more
food. "Hurry, boy. You'll be headed ta
the home soon 'nough. I ain't
got no use fer the likes of
ya." Would that be a blessin'? Vin was not sure. He knew he was still close to his ma,
maybe a days walk. Where
would this home be? Too far away for Vin to find his
ma again. He was sure of that.
Vin wrestled with Peso, finally
getting him saddled and headed back to town. He would wash the dirt and dust
off and head for some breakfast. Then he would see what the boys were up ta, patrol around the town and make sure everything was
peaceful. Vin was sure that was all he need to get his
thoughts back on track. No more wasted worry'n. A
man's ponderin' should be on things keepin' him alive not things that'll git
him nothin' but dead. With those thoughts, Vin's gaze searched the distance and he nodded his head with
assertion. He finally felt a sense of peace that had been eluding him for days.
***********************
"Hey, Vin." JD shouted. "Will ya look at this." JD was holding a burlap sack in his hands, a
look of disgust and sadness in his eyes.
Vin walked over slowly to see what
had JD so riled up. "Wha'cha got, JD?"
"Why would
anybody want ta do this? Just
little ones, so tiny." JD still held an innocence that sometimes
could bring Vin to the brink of rage and despair at
the same time. Muddled up inside. Vin
did not like confusion and confusion seemed to be where this moment was headed.
"Wha'cha talkin'
about?" Vin
looked in the sack that JD held open to him. Seven kittens lay dead, piled one
on top of the other. Their fur soaked and matted. Atrophied
in agony, drowned. Drowned like her. Lock it away....away.
"Justa bunch of kittens, JD." Vin stated harshly. JD looked like Vin had slapped him hard across the face.
"They're
useless, JD. Just wild strays. No one ta claim 'em, ta
care fer 'em. Better off this way, 'stead of starvin'."
It was life, hard and cruel. JD should know that. He should know about life. JD
warn't no little boy. They both seen death up close. "Justa bunch of kittens, JD."
"Someone
might of wanted them, Vin. Maybe even me." JD was
hurt by Vin's words. He knew Vin
was not one to be cruel. JD had felt Vin's gentle ways ,
his kind words many times in the past. This was not Vin.
JD looked at Vin closely. He looked worn out and
tired. There seemed to be a deep sadness in his eyes. Eyes which were usually
clear and calm when they were allowed to be seen from underneath his hat,
looked hopeless, lost and confused.
"I liked to
bury them decent." JD looked at Vin hopefully.
"Suit
yourself." Vin started to turn away.
"Ain't ya gonna help me, Vin?"
"JD", Vin was interrupted.
"I know, Vin, they're just a bunch of kittens." JD continued,
"But, I was hoping you would help me."
Vin had a hard time denying JD
anything. The only time Vin said no to him was when he
thought JD was being foolish and might cause himself a world of trouble.
"Alright, JD. No point ta it 'cept keepin'
the smell and animals away." Vin took the sack. "Let's git it done. I got patrollin' ta do and I ain't even had breakfast, yet."
"Thanks,
Vin."
JD was glad to
have Vin by his side. He loved having Vin around him. JD enjoyed Vin's
quiet ways and wry humor. When Vin laughed, it was the
most honest sound JD ever heard. Laughter was not squandered by Vin. When it sprang forth, it was true and clear. Honest-
to- God real, like Vin, himself. They walked off
together. Vin carrying more than one burden.
***********************************
Chris watched Vin and JD walk behind the livery, Vin carrying a brown
sack. He couldn't help but notice the tension between the two. Vin looked angry, then distressed and then resigned.
Something was bothering the normally unflappable tracker. Chris quietly rose
from his chair and strolled across the street. What were those two up to?
JD could drive a
saint to distraction with some of his notions and nonstop chatter. Vin was always patient, always calm. Chris envied that
quality in Vin. He knew tolerance was something Vin
Tanner had learned at a young age. Acceptance of life's discomforts and
injustices was a means of survival for the quiet tracker. Chris contemplated
the unease draped over Vin during their quiet times
together. Chris had tried to ask the forlorn tracker what was ailin' him, but had turned coward.
Vin Tanner had
brought clarity to Chris' life where only rage and pain had resided. This gave
Chris the ability to acknowledge his inner terrors, but not always the
capability necessary to control them. Vin's quiet
strength lifted Chris above the turmoil that had once conquered him. It had
only been a years time that
the town regulators had been together. It had only been a years time that Chris Larabee had tentatively opened
his heart to other people.
It was not a
conscious choice when it came to Vin Tanner. It just *was*, plain and simple.
No explanation. A driving force stronger than anger, stronger
than the need to destroy, stronger than a need to remain alone. This
force was the closest thing to a faith, to a belief in living
that Chris had know in three years. And yet, he still was afraid to
reach out, to voice his caring for Vin. He only knew
how to show it, by being near, by watchin' Vin's back. That seemed enough.
Vin Tanner never
asked for a damn thing. Chris figured he didn't know how. Facin'
death was easy. Facin' Vin Tanner was downright terrifyin'. Chris turned away from the livery and headed
for the saloon. Maybe, a drink or two would give him the courage, the words
needed to help a friend. Maybe, later. Maybe, tomorrow. "Damn coward. No two ways 'round
it." Chris cursed himself as he pushed open the batwing doors, seeking
refuge in the darkened saloon.
**********************
"All right,
JD. Let's git this done."
Vin placed the burlap sack down underneath a spare,
knotty tree. "Here's a good spot."
"I forgot a
shovel." JD started to run towards the livery.
"Don't need
one. Just start diggin'. Only gonna make a shallow
grave and we can put them rocks over it." Vin was
impatient and he was tired of dragging out this chore. "Git it done. I got work ta
do."
Vin went to his knees and started digging
into the dirt, deeper and deeper he clawed. His movements become more and more
intense. Memories, images plagued at him with each mound of soil pushed aside. Vin felt afflicted by a sickness in his stomach so mighty,
he feared he couldn't hold it back. Lock it away.
"You okay,
Vin?", JD asked, looking anxiously at his friend.
"I thought I was suppose
to do the dirty work?" JD laughed as Vin looked
down at his soiled hands and clothing.
"I'll get
the rocks, Vin. You can place the sack inside, I guess."
Vin nodded as JD walked off to pick
up the rocks. Vin unceremoniously dropped the sack
into the shallow grave. He stood, spotting some fallen branches. Vin walked over and picked up two of the straightest ones he
could find. A memory caught at the corner of his mind. He threw down the
branches, recoiling at the memories it evoked.
"Here's the rocks, Vin." JD placed the rocks alongside Vin.
Vin placed the dirt back over the
sack, smoothing the soil in place. He stacked the rocks one over the other,
placed with a silent determination to rid himself of this unrest. This ailin' within him so powerful that Vin's
only wish was to bury it away. Bury it away like the damn kittens.
JD felt an
unease watching Vin. Vin was
in a place that JD chose not imagine. Memories downright 'ugly' as Buck would
say. Was he wrong to have asked Vin to help him? The
silence was discomforting to JD.
"Hey, Vin." JD's boisterous voice caused Vin
to flinch. JD cringed, but continued. "Thanks alot,
Vin." JD was grateful.
"I know it
seems kinda ridiculous, buryin'
these strays as if they're somethin'. I don't know why, but I had ta do it." JD paused and
looked over at Vin. "Ya know what I mean?"
JD never felt
foolish in front of Vin. At least
not as often, as he did in front of the others. Vin
never seemed to judge him. He seemed to accept JD as he was as Vin did with everything in life. Vin
took the time to teach JD the skills needed for survival. The teachin' was quietly offered. This was to JD a caring so
deep that it filled him to the core. JD knew survival of body and soul was the
sum and substance of Vin Tanner. Teachin' JD the
cunning needed to survive was Vin's gift to a friend.
"I
understand JD." Vin looked at JD and nodded. Both
glanced down at the rocky grave. "It's done." Vin
turned away from JD walking toward Peso, yellin' over
his shoulder. "Tell, Chris I'll be back 'fore sundown. Need some
air."
JD stood still,
stunned by Vin's hasty departure, but not surprised.
Somethin' was playin' on the tracker bad. JD wanted
to help. He kicked the ground with his boot in frustration and turned towards
the saloon to tell Chris about Vin and maybe let Buck
tease him a bit, just to get things to settle right inside himself.
*******************************
JD walked
through the batwing doors, adjusting his eyes to the dimly lit saloon. He saw
that Chris was at his usual table, looking pensively into a shot of whiskey.
Buck was his gregarious self, teasing Inez and exuding his so called animal
magnetism.
JD snorted. Buck
sure was a piece of work, but he was good for a laugh. JD needed that comfort
to fill him. He needed this family.
He hoped that
one day he would be able to rest easy in the knowledge that these men, he
called family, would always be together. JD knew there was a bond, but was not
sure if it would always be strong enough to overcome the many demons carried in
these men's souls.
"Hey,
Buck." JD swaggered over, his hands resting on the top of his colts.
"You cain't win with Inez, no matter how much
animal maggotism ya throws around."
"If I told
ya once, JD, I told ya hunert' times, animal
magnetism." Buck looked down at JD with disgust. "You could learn a
lot from me, boy. Watch and learn."
"Learn how
not to get the ladies, huh Inez?" JD ducked as Buck grabbed for his bowler
hat. "Leave my hat alone, Buck. Just cut it out, will ya." JD turned
away. It wasn't working. He just couldn't get his mind off what might be eatin' at Vin.
"Hey, JD,
what's goin' on?" Buck eyes searched JD's face.
"Casey tell ya she's fallen fer
a cowboy with a real hat?" Buck's fingers nervously smoothed his mustache.
JD was too damn carin' fer his own good. Now
what's gettin' him all riled up? Buck's mind raced
over the happenings of the week. 'Nothin'
wrong. Pretty darn quiet. Too quiet, if ya asked him.
It did leave him plenty of time with the lovely ladies, though. Cain't complain' 'bout that none. Met
some sweet fillies that will be whisperin' the name
Buck into many a gentleman's ears for years to come. Cain't fergit
'bout ol' Buck, no matter how hard they tried.'
"Geez,
Buck, where'd ya go?" JD became fed up with Buck. "Cain't ya keep yer mind off the
ladies for more'n a minute. Geez, Buck."
"Sorry,
kid. It's just that it's been a particularly busy time for yer
ol' Buck." Buck sighed in satisfaction. "Cain't help but reminisce."
"Buck, I
know ya cain't but be all
wrapped up inta yerself,
but I got things on my mind. Okay?" JD scorched Buck with an intense gaze.
"So, if yer just gonna be playin'
'round and braggin' on yerself,
I'd just as soon ya go away."
"Now don't
be like that, JD." Buck sidled up closer to JD, willing him to talk.
"Ya know by now, ya cain't take yer ol' Buck so seriously."
"I know
that, but sometimes...," JD trailed off his words. He certainly didn't
come in here to fight or cause anyone else pain, especially Buck. Buck has
always been nothin' but kind to him. Maybe too kind,
too hoverin,' but JD knew he cared. Of course, JD
cared for Buck, even though his womanizin' could make
JD downright surly at times.
"Okay, kid.
Tell ol' Buck what's got ya all tied up in
knots." Buck and JD walked over to an empty table. Buck
grabbing a mug of beer. 'Hell, it was almost noon and hotter than Hades.
Never too early to kill a thirst.' Buck glanced over
at Chris, who was still staring into his drink. 'What's goin'
on 'round here?' JD interrupted Buck's ponderin'.
"I hafta talk ta Chris. Vin rode out
as if the devil was on his tail." JD looked down into his hands. "I
think I made him mad. I don't know."
"Vin, ain't got know right bein' angry at ya." Buck sat up in his seat, body
tensing in JD's defense. "He's too ornery fer
his own good."
"Ya know
that ain't right, Buck. Vin never gets mad at any of
us." JD continued before his anger got the better of him. 'Darn, Buck. Cain't he hear things out before he
jumps all over people.' "Vin didn't git mad at me, but maybe at what I asked him ta do."
"JD, would
'cha just git to it." Buck's temper at Vin began to settle down, but his impatience at JD
surfacing. "Say it out why don't cha. I could be with Miz
Julie right now. Let's not let my manly charms lay to waste too long or ya'll
be hearin' many a sobbin'
women."
"Geez,
Buck." JD scowled. "Just shuttup."
"JD, we ain't gettin' nowhere
here. If there's somethin' that we shoud know, that
Chris should know, just come out with it."
Buck settled
back in his chair allowing JD time to get his mind back on track. He knew JD's
head, filled to brim with a jumble of boyish notions and dime store novel
ideas, sure as shootin' could get that boy kilt.
"I asked
him to bury some kittens with me." JD looked sheepishly at the table.
"It seemed liked the right thin' ta do at the
time." JD wavered. "Damn, I'm so stupid. What a stupid kid thing ta ask Vin ta
do. He must think I'm just plain tiresome."
Buck interrupted
JD, his soft tone showing affection, a catch in his throat, "Ya know Vin would do anythin' to make ya
happy. He don't judge a man like that. That's how he
sees ya, JD, a man. Ya watched his back plenty and mine and the others. No need bein' hard on yerself
just because ya got a heart." Buck looked over at JD.
"Oh, heck
Buck, ya know I always hafta keep ya out of
trouble." JD eyes showed a world of gratitude.
"Let's go
talk to Chris." Buck gracefully rose to his full impressive height and
waited for JD. "It's gonna be fine, JD. We'll work it out. Now don't you
worry, none."
They both looked
over at Chris. JD trembled involuntarily, while Buck nervously smoothed down
his mustache, walking towards the man that could scare the devil himself.
***************
Chris watched JD
and Buck approach his table slowly, cautiously. He almost laughed out loudly at
their visible uneasiness. He enjoyed the power he could rule over people with
just one look, one smile, one movement of hand to
sidearm. It was as potent a feeling that he had ever experienced. Truth be
told, it was also the loneliest. Being alone was what Chris had thought he had
wanted. Couldn't be bothered wading through other people's needs or problems. Just an annoyance that got in the way of his own self-destruction.
Chris Larabee didn't think that way any more. At least, not as often.
He had watched
the batwing doors waiting for something, anything to happen. Waiting for Vin
Tanner to come in and set down with a nod. Maybe calling him 'cowboy', if he
was in a spirited mood. Maybe just a simple 'Chris'.
They'd share a drink or two and would settle quietly in the ease of a
friendship that needed no words. Just being with each other, keeping the demons
at bay, both knowing how invaluable this bond was for upholding the precarious
peace within their souls.
Chris would
never judge Vin harshly. He knew Vin
lived more, seen more, and done more than anyone just to survive. Chris would
be the last to judge this man, strong of heart and character, filled with a
morality that would have been cowed out of a lesser man. Chris Larabee would
never want to bring pain to Vin Tanner, would always want to stand up for him,
with him. Chris' lack of faith in himself left him shaken and unsure of his
mettle to do the things necessary to help a friend. It had been so long, too
long. As Chris stared down at his drink, he made a pledge to do all that he
could for Vin Tanner. He raised his glass high as in a toast and drank it down
quick and hard. The heat filling his belly, burning away at
the fear that wrapped itself around his mind.
JD and Buck
stood stone-faced in front of Chris as he put down the glass. Buck was the
first to sit as Chris nodded to them, a silent command to join him. JD sat
closer to Buck, still feeling a little guilty, but not really knowing why. His
only intent this morning was to do something decent for some kittens. His ma
always taught him to be kind to all creatures four-legged and two. The latter
sometimes being the hardest. Should he mention the kittens to Chris? JD didn't
want to, felt all kinds of foolish. When did this day go so wrong? Chris
Larabee would now see first-hand what a witless kid JD was and probably would
be for a long time. JD felt his days proving his worthiness would never end, no
matter how reassuring Buck was towards him. He would always be on trial, always
feel the heavy hand of judgment pass over him.
"JD,"
Chris snapped out his name tersely. "What was goin'
on with you and Vin behind the livery?"
"Nothin' really, Chris." JD hesitated. 'Oh, Hell. Now or never. Let's just git it
over with...' "We was buryin'
some drowned kittens." JD looked Chris full in the face, eye to eye, man
to man.
"What?", Chris asked incredulously. He looked JD dead on in
the eyes. "Why ya botherin' Vin
with that kind of nonsense, JD?"
"Now
Chris," Buck jumped to JD's defense on instinct. "Ain't
nothin' wrong with buryin'
a few kittens. It's kinda
sweet, don't ya think?''
Chris looked at
Buck as if he had just stepped in the sorriest load of horseshit and couldn't
get it off the bottom of his boot.
"Sweet?" Chris snarled
the word with ferocity. "Sweet?"
JD looked down
at his hands. 'Shit, Shit'. He repeated it over and over, waiting for the
humiliation to end.
"What does
a man like Vin need to be buryin'
kittens fer?" Chris' voice hissed out like a
snake waiting for his next strike. "He's got better things ta do with his time. Watchin' his
back and watchin' this town. Which you should have
been doin', JD."
"That's 'nough, Chris." Buck spoke quietly, but forcefully.
"Don't be takin' out yer
worry fer Vin on JD."
Buck waited for
Chris's full attention before he continued, green eyes glaring at him. Buck was
beginning to feel a headache coming on strong.
"If'n Vin didn't want to help out
JD, he would of said so. Vin's a grown man. Can make
up his own mind."
Chris continued
to glare at Buck. Chris hated that Buck was right. He knew his frustration was
misplaced, but he needed a release and JD was the unfortunate victim.
"He
didn't." JD stated softly.
"What?"
Buck and Chris asked together, staring at JD intently.
"He didn't wanta help. I guess I mighta
forced him ta." JD looked sadly at Chris and
Buck. "He didn't think there was any point ta
it. I know he just did it fer me. Then, he got kinda drifty like. He was far away somewhere." JD took
a deep breath. "I'm sorry Chris. I never meant ta
hurt him. I'd never hurt, Vin."
"No one
said you would, JD." Chris looked at JD. "Vin wanted ta help ya. There's somethin' else
weighin' on him."
"He had a
look in his eyes...like a pain I never seen before, like down ta his soul." JD sighed deeply as he recalled the
moment.
Chris knew that
kind of pain. He thought of his pledge, just recently made, hoping he could
make good on it. Knowing Vin Tanner needed him, needed the others, gave Chris the resolve to see it through to the end.
"Ya gotta talk ta him, Chris."
Buck stared at Chris daring him to say different.
"Don't ya
think I know that, Buck?" Chris heatedly questioned. No one pushed him. No one. Chris already knew what needed to be done and
nothing Buck or the others said would make a difference.
"Let's get
this done." Chris stood adjusting his duster. "Ezra and Josiah are on
patrol and Nathan is tendin' to Nellie Collins'
little boy. Gotta broken arm. We'll ride out now. Once, we
find his trail, you boys can head back to town and relieve Ezra and Josiah.
I'll see ta Vin."
With that said,
they headed out of the saloon into the blazing light of day, hoping to find the
elusive tracker.
***************************
Vin saw them coming before they were
visible, just by the signs man and beast gave off, between the dust, the
shadows, and sometimes to Vin the air itself. Vin sat
still waiting and watching. Three men... 'Aw,hell'. He spotted the black
right off and the straight backed form of a man. 'Larabee.
Looks like he's ready to pounce on his prey. By all
accounts, looks like that's gonna be me. Cain't a man
be alone fer more'n ten minutes.'
Vin sat high up on a rise, under a
great oak. The tree reminded Vin of days long ago
past. Memories seemed to be houndin' him lately. That
memory had been pleasant, but like everything in Vin's
life, loss always seemed to be a part of it.
His back rested
against the tree, feet resting on the roots that seemed to spread out like
gnarled fingers piercing the earth. He waited for Chris and the others. Hat
pushed forward over his eyes, Vin appeared to be
sleeping, but the uneasiness within him gave him no rest. A stampede in his
stomach made his heart beat rapidly. Adrenaline was pulsing through him like
that after gunplay. His breath was raspy. Between his heartbeat and breathin, Vin's ears seemed to
fail him as Chris touched him gently on the shoulder.
"Vin?" Chris backed
away quickly after his touch, not wanting to be cut down by the Mare's leg at
Tanner's side.
Vin jumped. "Damn it to Hell,
Larabee." Vin was angry for allowing his turmoil
to blind him to his need for survival. 'This has gotta
end now.' He cursed himself.
"Thought ya
saw us comin'?" Chris looked at Vin curiously.
"I saw ya.
Ya just took so damn long ta get here, I fergot ya'll was comin'." Vin nodded for Chris to sit. Chris tripped on a high root
trying to find a place close to Vin, but enough to
give him his needed space.
"Where the
boys headed?", Vin looked off into the distance,
watching the retreating figures. Buck grabbing at JD's hat.
JD swatting his hand at Buck. Vin
could hear the banter. He knew it well and it gave him comfort.
"Headed back ta town." Chris stated trying to get himself comfortable on an imposing
root.
"Hell Vin,
couldn't ya have found a better place to set."
Chris shifted
uncomfortably, being poked and jabbed with each movement. "These roots are
about as comfortable as..." Chris stopped cold. 'Roots.
Damn.' Chris took a breath. "Vin, somethin' ya want ta
tell me?" Larabee tried to muster up the volition
to continue. This palaverin' was damn near suffocatin'. It wasn't his way to intrude in anyone's life
and Vin never spoke of too many things close to him.
Chris waited, not sure if Vin would answer.
Vin looked into the distance, studyin' on his thoughts. He wanted to share his Margaret
Ann with Chris, but was fearful of it. Placin'
somethin' out there fer everyone ta
eye, somethin' that meant everythin' ta him...too darn hard ta do.
People makin' out like things of his ain't got no use a'tall. Vin turned his gaze to
Chris. He would trust this man. He trusted him with his life. Now, he would
trust him with his heart. Vin slouched against the
tree, drawing strength from the coarseness of the bark on his back.
"When I's 'bout six or so, not rightly sure. I got took to some orphanage. Not even sure where it was. Left
when I's 'bout nine or ten. Lit outta there fast." The memories so intense were
burning in his mind.
"I made
myself ferget why I high-tailed it outta there. Until that night, I asked ya ta..." Vin paused, harder to
play it out again in the daylight.
Chris nodded at Vin wanting to let him know he understood. Chris sensed Vin might bolt away, skittish as he was about showing
himself to others.
Vin turned his eyes away from Chris
and spoke. His words offered to the distant horizon rather than to Chris,
himself. Vin began sharing memories more to the
spirits around him, with Margaret Ann, with his ma.
Chris listened, knowing all to well how
important this moment was for Vin and for himself. This was Chris' time to make
amends, somehow. Make amends for the times, he wasn't there when it mattered
the most to the people he loved. Chris waited. He hoped he would do right by
this man, a need so strong it scared him down to his soul.
"My ma died
'bout this time." Vin stated softly, a withered
scrap of memory touching him. "I think it was 'bout now. Cain't be certain."
Chris nodded
again, listening but not interrupting.
"Ponderin' on her seems to be bringin'
other things to mind." Vin sighed. "I'm a
might uneasy with some of it. Not sure were it's trackin'." That was all Vin was offering. It was enough. He had told Chris all that
was needed to be said for now.
Chris turned
towards Vin catching his gaze. "What I told ya
that night still stands. When ya need me or the boys, were there. Always." Vin smiled and
nodded, eyes intent on Chris. "Thanks, Chris." He turned toward the
distant hills seeking comfort in their familiarity. Vin
and Chris sat silently, taking relief in the quiet strength of friendship.
******************************************
The saloon was
ghostly quiet as JD entered, the dissonance from the batwing doors puncturing
the silence. It had been a long night on patrol with Buck regaling JD with an
unending commentary on every woman that had the pleasure of makin'
his acquaintance, until JD's mind went numb. JD, restin'
against the bar, snorted in disbelief. 'They think I talk too much, Geez.'
JD had very
little sleep that night. The unusually peaceful week was unsettling. There
seemed to be a tightness heightening within him. He had spent the morning at
the jail, looking over wanted posters and cleaning the rifles. The cells stood
empty.
Josiah was
pursuing his mission of restoring the church. Nathan was away checking on the
families in the area. There had been an influenza scare, but turned out to be
only a severe cold. Nathan chose to be cautious. He knew that one man would not
be enough to deal with those circumstances. Chris and Vin
were on patrol and would be back soon enough for a cold beer and a hot meal.
Ezra was sleeping off a long yet, lucrative night of cards and Buck was wrapped
up in his favorite pursuit, namely Miz Irene.
JD shook off the
feeling of wariness that had been gnawing at him. Vin
would know for sure if things were not right. He had a razor sharp sense about
him, instinctively knowing when things might turn bad. JD leaned back against
the bar, watching the doors, relieved when Vin Tanner walked through them.
"Hey, Vin." JD called to him. "Quiet out there?"
Vin eased to the bar and stood
alongside JD. Inez slipped him a cold beer and a smile. She liked this quiet
man. He was kind to her and respectful. He had a sweetness that filled her
heart. 'That face so beautiful and those eyes, Mia Dios.'
"Here you
go, Senor Vin."
Vin smiled at Inez, grateful to her
for promptly taking care of his thirst. She was always good to him. This
kindness still astonished Vin. He had never known the
likes of it until this dusty town.
"It's
quiet, JD." Vin turned from the bar, walking
towards a table near the back wall. He sat slouched, stretching his legs out in
front of him, beer resting on his stomach, hat brim tipped over his eyes. JD
sat down next to him.
"I've been havin' a feelin', Vin." JD stopped and thought things through,
trying to put into words what he didn't know how to express. "Ya know, a
*feeling* like something's gonna happen."
Vin sat up straight, listening and
alert. Vin was never a man to ignore gut feelings,
even JD's. " What's got ya unsettled, JD?"
JD grinned
elated that Vin seemed amenable to his notion that
somethin' was wrong. He did not want to lay waste to this opportunity. Vin's regard was important to JD.
"It's just
been mighty quiet lately." JD watched Vin
closely, looking for agreement. "Seems to me like something's gonna
strike."
"Never c'n tell, JD." Vin nodded in JD's direction. "It pays to be
watchful."
JD looked warily
around him, feeling eyes on his back. He shivered inside himself. 'Be
watchful'. Vin leaned back in his chair again. He
appeared at ease, but he knew JD was right. It had been too quiet for too long.
It had been a
few days since Vin had talked to Chris and he felt
more settled. The knowing that he had friends who would help him brought him
needed peace. Now and again, images would appear, but he swiftly turned away
from them. Too much was at stake. His life did not allow the luxury of wadin' through long ago sufferin'.
He would not let anyone get dead because he was not vigilant. Never.
"Where's
Chris at, Vin?" JD asked curiously. Chris always came for a drink after patrollin'. The heat of the sun and the dust whipped around
by the wind and horses gave a man a thirst so strong that he'd sell his mother
for a cold beer.
"Miz Travis needed him for somethin'. Not
sure what." Vin smiled at rememberin' the sight of Chris lookin'
vexed when Mary called his name.
Vin knew all Chris wanted to do was
set down with a cold beer and some quiet. Mary had interfered with that plan.
"He should be here shortly if'n Miz Travis don't have other chores for him." Vin laughed. He reveled in Chris Larabee's discomfort when
it came to Mary Travis.
"Now Vin, you know how mad Chris gets at ya when you start on him
'bout Miz Travis." JD laughed with Vin, enjoying that Vin seemed himself again.
"Hey JD, why don't ya'll git us
another beer. I feel like celebratin'.
Appears Miz Travis is partial to a no account
cowboy." Vin laughed loudly at his statement. JD
was rolling in his seat, holding his sides from the pain of laughing so hard,
keeping one eye to the door attentive for the arrival of Chris Larabee.
Vin didn't give a darn, but JD was
still a little fearful of rilin' Chris. It seemed to
JD that if the likes of Chris Larabee couldn't scare Vin,
nothin' could. JD shaking with laughter, walked up to
the bar.
" Two beers, Inez." JD's
laughter abruptly halted, as two men barreled through the batwing doors.
************************************
Chris heard the
reverberation of the gunshot as he walked out of the Clarion's front door. His
hand swiftly went to his gun as he raced down the boardwalk. 'Saloon!
Damn it... Vin!' Chris eyes scanned the street. 'Where
was everyone?'
"Damn it
Buck. Where the hell are ya?" Chris erupted looking towards the hotel.
Chris wasted
little time getting to the saloon. He stopped at the batwing doors, trying to
make out what was happening inside. JD was down, laying
on his back, a knife protruding from his shoulder. One man down, dead, it
appeared. Then he saw Vin. 'Damn'. He had to stop Vin.
Chris pushed
open the doors and raced to JD. "Ya okay, son?" Chris looked at the
wound. It was bleeding profusely. He spotted Inez huddled behind the bar. He
called her over, handing her his bandanna. "Press that on the wound
hard." Chris' mind was on Vin, who was tangling
with a man the size of a grizzly. Vin seemed to be in
a crazed fury.
The knowledge of
fighting gained from years of living with the Comanche sustained Vin in his brawl against a mountain of a man. His rage was
palpable as blow after blow struck the face and body of his foe. A growl
escaped him, the instincts of the wild running through him. He felt the anger
of a five year old boy pulsing in him. Unable to stop the grief and fury, Vin lashed out with a force that left death in it's trail.
Vin saw only JD, lying on the saloon
floor in sawdust and dirt. Blood flowing from him. The
rankness of the two men that had viciously attacked JD revolted him. The stench
of dirt, blood and sweat permeated the saloon, choking Vin.
His only thoughts were on retribution of all the harm that had been inflicted
against him when he was not able to defend himself. JD was hurt. He did not
protect him. Vin would put an end to this mangy dog's
life. Vin would end it now and he would feel no
remorse.
Vin pulled his knife from its
sheathing and raised it high with fierce intent, plunging it with flawless
brutality towards the man's heart. Chris scrambled forward, grabbing at Vin's arm. Vin's strength was
unrelenting. His anger impelled him forward. The restraining hands on Vin rendered an explosion of power from him that caused
Chris to fall backwards.
"Vin, stop it now. Damn it! You're gonna kill him."
Chris was desperate. A fear for Vin coursed through
him. "For God's sake, Vin. Stop!"
Chris reached for Vin's arm again. Grasping it, Chris
held on with an urgency to keep Vin Tanner from causing irreparable hurt to himself, body and soul.
It was as if the
other men had heard Chris' plea, as they raced through the doors of the saloon,
guns drawn. Buck and Nathan ran to Inez and JD. Ezra and Josiah headed towards
Chris and Vin. Vin had again
escaped from Chris' hold and had the now unconscious bear of man in a death
grip, knife against his throat. Vin's eyes were
distant, filled with a savageness so violent, it sent a tremor through Chris.
Josiah knew that rage and he approached Vin
cautiously, not wanting to incite him into an act that they would all regret.
"Brother
Vin, Vin look at me." Josiah's deep voice exuded
compassion and calm. Josiah slowly approached Vin, a
prayer to Almighty God that he could help this man. "Vin,
son. It's alright, now. JD is fine. He's gonna be okay."
Vin's eyes searched the saloon. Chris
moved away allowing Vin to see JD, who was now sitting
up, resting with his back against the bar. JD hearing Josiah's words, called
out to Vin. "I'm fine, Vin.
Just fine." JD felt frightened for Vin. He had never seen Vin out of
control.
Ezra and Chris
stood by vigilantly, while Josiah spoke to Vin in a
voice acquainted with calming trapped, frightened wild things. Vin's breath began to slow down and his eyes became clearer.
The rage in Vin turning to despair, brought distress
to all the men gathered around him. They couldn't bear to look into those eyes.
Sorrow and contrition filled him up, smothering him.
"Give me
the knife, Brother Vin." Josiah held out his hand. "You got him. You
took care of JD."
Vin let out a shuddering breath and
handed Josiah the knife. He looked into Chris' eyes with deep regret. A silent
apology given, but forgiveness not expected. Vin would
never forgive himself. He had gone to the edge, almost not comin'
back. He was no good to these men, to this town. Vin
had to leave. He had to leave, now.
"Gotta go." Vin rasped out, his voice constricted
with emotion.
Vin looked at Chris. Chris nodded to
him, an acknowledgment of understanding Vin's need for
escape. Vin needed time to settle, to calm the demon
that had come unleashed. Finding the truth behind the demon would be the most
dogged task of all. The men watched with despair as Vin
walked slowly out the batwing doors.
***************************
Vin fled to the open plains as a
boy. The land was his true healer. His comfort when people offered none. He
trusted the land, even with all its hidden hostilities. The land had no
malicious intent. It was honest even in its brutality, which Vin
accepted.
In the coldest
blizzards of winter and the blistering, dry heat of summer, Vin
had learned to survive with the help of the Nermernuh,
the People. They called themselves "True Human Beings". Vin knew them as the Comanche. He had come to live with them
in his ninth summer.
Vin had left the orphan asylum after
Margaret Ann had died and did not look back. He went from town to town,
sometimes stealing, sometimes getting odd jobs. He had fled when people tried
to take him into their homes. He had seen that so called 'charity' first hand. Vin chose to escape in the wilds and was rescued by the
People.
Vin was accepted into their hearts
and home with great joy. The love of children was strong among the People. He
adopted their customs and learned to become skilled in the ways of horses. The
Comanche were extraordinary horsemen and horsebreeders.
Vin learned a great deal in his
years with the People. He had sought his puha before
his first hunt. His visions had given him great comfort and strength. Vin rode the plains as a Comanche, hunting buffalo with bow
and lance.
The Comanche
were not as well known for their cruelties like that of the Kiowa or the
Apache, yet Vin had seen inhumanities inflicted on the
enemies of the People. He accepted this as their way and passed no judgment. Vin had seen worse atrocities done by the hand of his 'own
kind'.
Vin's time with the People was only
that of three winters, but he had been shown warmth, love and a strong sense of
family that had been denied him for so long. With the cornerstone of his
mother's love and that which was bestowed upon him by the Comanche, Vin was able to maintain a sense of humanity. Even through
years of cruelties and hardships, Vin's strength of
heart never faltered.
Again, Vin escaped to the open plains that would offer him the
wisdom and serenity, he needed to cleanse the demon from his soul. He refused
to lose this battle. This new life, he had begun to feel a fondness for,
depended on it.
************************************************
As Vin made camp, he thought of his time with the Comanche. It
had been a healing time for him. Vin hoped that with
the practices learned from the People, he could regain his medicine and be
granted the power to overcome the malady in his soul. He would pray to the
Eagle Spirit for clarity of sight.
The ways of the
People, were at first strange to Vin, but he gradually
found himself feeling a comfort and familiarity with his new family and their
kin. They would laugh at some of Vin's habits, but
allowed him certain tahbay-boh or white man ways.
The Comanche
were very vain about their hair and would comb it with porcupine quill brushes
coating it with bear fat or buffalo dung. Vin chose
not to do this, which was frowned at, but accepted. They also found Vin's need to bathe regularly, or at least when their
encampment was near waters, a useless task. The women would be particularly
interested in Vin's bathing ritual, which caused Vin
nothing but embarrassment.
Vin's happiest times were on the
plains, hunting the bison. He had a keen eye and straight arrow. His vision had
brought him an eagle feather and a blue stone. The blue stone was to Vin a symbol of his mother's eyes watching over him. The
Comanche saw the puha of the eagle in Vin's unerring aim.
Vin had not yet gone on the war
trail, though this was of great importance to the men of the People. Vin had taken many coup during the hunt, yet none at war. It
had been debated around the council fire by his adopted father and the other
men. They agreed it would bring Eyes of the Sky pain of heart to go against the
tahbay-boh. Tanner, alone, would decide what war
trail he would follow. This was the way of all warriors. They chose to fight
only when their vision or medicine was appropriate for the battle.
Vin had accepted the name Eyes of
the Sky so as not to offend, but told his father, that he would always be a
Tanner. His father had agreed. He was proud of his young son. Tanner had
brought much honor to his family.
Life had been
peaceful and prosperous for the band of Comanches
that Vin lived with on the plains. They would camp
near the Canadian River and hunt buffalo. The food and horses were plentiful.
The warriors would raid and fight against the Utes
and other tribes in the area. The Comancheria was the
People's land. They became omnipotent. Their power was never usurped. They had
stopped the Spanish and French and continually brutalized the Mexicans and
Apaches. The Tejanos (American Texans) were the Comanches' enemy. The Rangers were a constant threat, but
were too few to cause the Comanche much detriment.
The debate
around the council fire had rendered a decision that their band would travel
further south to the waters of the Colorado River. Here the People would make
their winter camp and hunt for buffalo, before the first snow came. There was
no fear of encountering other bands, for there was never any fighting between
the Nermernuh. The decision was made with confidence,
hoping for a milder winter farther south.
************************
Vin's thoughts became pained when he
remembered the peace that had been so viciously severed from the People. The
Rangers had inadvertently stumbled upon their winter camp. They had attacked
with a vengeance that was calculating and brutal. Many women were not spared.
The large party of Comanche warriors had been out on a raid. This left the
hunting party alone with the women and children. They could not overcome their
attackers.
Vin was taken from his Comanche
family. The Rangers saw him as a captive slave and fiercely believed they had
to free him from the tyranny of the savage. Vin would
never again see his adopted family, but he would always remember the kindness
and home he had with the People.
Bittersweet
memories seemed to be incessantly attacking him. Vin
wrapped himself tighter in his bedroll, leaning against the rock wall that
protected his campsite. He slept restlessly, turmoil of the past and present
giving him little rest. Memories, lockin'
them away. Captured, but not gone.
****************
"We
shouldn't of let him go." JD lamented. He sat
with his arm in a sling, looking pale, but alive. Nathan allowed JD to go to
the saloon. His injury was not serious. There was far more blood loss than
there was damage.
"JD, we had
to let him go." Buck spoke for the rest of the men, who sat around
morosely, staring into their beers. "Vin wouldn't have been able to stay,
even if he wanted too."
"What'd
mean, Buck?" JD questioned Buck, becoming distressed. "Ya mean, he'll never be able to stay here again? Is that what ya
mean?" JD didn't give anyone time to answer. "Well, I don't believe
it. He's one of us and he'll be fine."
"JD, you're
not hearin'." JD interrupted Buck again.
"I'm hearin', Buck." JD was workin'
on a real big mad. "I just can't believe, you're gonna give up on him. He
might not be able to work it out alone."
Chris had been
patient, allowing JD time to release his tension, his fears. Now, Chris'
patience was wearin' thin. His green eyes narrowed
over his drink. The other men around him sensed his building anger. Josiah
looked at Chris then at Buck. Nathan was shifting uneasily in his chair,
waiting for the storm.
Josiah spoke up
first in his strong, melodious voice. "JD, son.
We are not leavin' Brother Vin
by himself. We are givin' him the time he needs to
find his peace." Josiah continued. "Vin,
doesn't want to be around us right now. He's ashamed."
"Ain't got nothin'
to be ashamed of." JD shot out defensively.
"Those men where gonna hurt Inez. They were the closest thing ta animals I've ever seen."
"They were
quite repugnant." Ezra agreed. He had nearly regurgitated from the stench
of the large Neanderthal while escorting him to jail. The man, most certainly,
had not bathed in years. "Their malodorous emanation alone could drive a
man to homicide."
"You think
this is a joke, Ezra?" Chris was angry. Angry at the
whole damn situation. Angry that Vin Tanner was alone and in need. Angry that he did not know how to help him.
Ezra took no
offense at Chris' rancor. He was exceedingly accustomed to Chris Larabee
vocalizing his name with unadulterated vehemence. Ezra knew it was not him with
whom Chris was angry, but at himself. Chris was questioning his decision,
letting Vin go off alone. Ezra read this in Chris'
every gesture.
"No, Mr.
Larabee. Far from it." Ezra replied morosely. He
too, was saddened by the whole situation. "It appears, Mr. Tanner's
malaise is a bit more dire than we discerned."
"So, it
appears." Chris responded bitterly. Everyone was quiet as Chris stood up
and walked out the saloon doors. They knew Chris would be sitting alone in
front of the saloon. His night watch normally shared with Vin
would be a solitary one.
"Will Chris
be all right, Buck?" JD sounded downhearted. His eyes gazed out the doors.
JD sent out a silent plea. 'Please come back, Vin.'
"Chris'll be fine, JD." Buck stated. "Vin will be
fine, too."
Buck, Josiah,
Ezra, Nathan and JD looked at each other and nodded their heads in agreement.
All would be fine. They would see to it.
*************************
Nettie looked off into the distant hills
surrounding her small homestead. Vin Tanner had promised to help with some
rudiment repairs around the house and barn. Spring was here and the heat of
summer was not too distant.
Vin would always come quietly in the early morning
hours. Nettie and Casey would still be in a deep slumber, as Vin
completed a myriad of chores. After waking, Nettie would watch him from the
porch. He still carried a boyish manner about him, no matter how many crosses
he had shouldered.
Vin had entered her life gently, effortlessly. A
maternal love for him clutched at her, almost bringing her to melancholy.
Nettie, so wanted to keep Vin out of harm's way. She
inherently knew that she would never be able to protect him entirely, no matter
how fervent the desire. Nettie offered Vin the most
cherished possessions that she had, her love and her home.
The sound of riders comin'
towards the house interrupted Nettie's pondering. Casey had gone into town for
some necessary supplies and the chance to see JD. As Nettie shifted her carbine
in her hands, she saw the two riders approach. A large flash of white caught
her eye and she noted that it appeared to be a bandage. Must of
had some trouble in town. She had a passing worry for Vin
quicken through her.
"Aunt Nettie, Aunt Nettie." Casey shouted . That child was as untamed as the land. Casey had
the same fortitude that Nettie, herself, possessed.
Casey always brought a smile to Nettie, even in
the moments of reprimand. Casey was always contrite, but Nettie knew she would
be in trouble again in the beat of a heart. Casey was a continual joy to
Nettie. Her heart filled to overflowin', thinking of
Casey and Vin Tanner. God had smiled on her when He allowed these children into
her life.
"Slow down there, child." Nettie
admonished. "Praise the Lord. What happened to you, Son? She looked at
JD's wounded arm. Her eyes expressed concern.
"Just a little
brawl." JD hedged. He certainly
didn't want to be the one to have to explain everything to Miz
Nettie. It appeared that he had little recourse. The boys were all busy in
town. Chris did nothing but watch the horizon, waitin'on
Vin.
It had been four days now. JD was afraid Vin would not come back. The men were all treading lightly
around Chris. His anguish was discernible to anyone with eyes. Buck and Mary
tried to talk to him, but nothing brought him consolation. Only the sight of
Vin Tanner ridin' into town,
would lift the shadow from Chris.
JD sighed softly to himself. There would be no
way to keep this from Miz Nettie. She would want to
know, she would need to know about Vin. Miz Nettie loved Vin like a son. Vin never spoke of it, but JD knew, as all the men knew. The
bond was indisputable. It was the bond of mother and son.
"You got somethin' on your mind, Son?"
Nettie saw the distant look in JD's eyes. She knew his mind was somewhere else.
"Yes, Miz Nettie,
there is." He took a deep breath. "It's 'bout Vin."
Nettie sucked in a breath. 'Oh, Lord!'
"Well, ya best git down off that horse and tell
me all about it." Nettie walked inside, waiting for JD and Casey to come
into the house. Bad news would get here soon enough. No need rushin' it. Nettie put on the kettle for tea.
JD walked in with Casey, looking uneasy and
forlorn. Nettie watched them sit by the hearth holding each others' hand for
comfort. 'My God, what could have happened?' Nettie could not bear to lose Vin. She had suffered many losses, but her heart would
surely break, if that soft-spoken, kind-hearted boy was no longer in her life.
"Is Vin hurt, JD?" Nettie no longer
wanted to grapple with the fear that consumed her thoughts. She would contend
with whatever JD had to impart.
JD looked up at Miz
Nettie startled. "Oh, it's nothin' like that Miz Nettie, but Vin ..." He searched the flames for words,
for answers that would help him explain what had happened to Vin Tanner.
"JD, please, say it straight out."
Nettie ordered with a look of impatience. "We'll sort through it all
later." Nettie sat down slowly, looking directly at JD.
JD took a deep breath and began replaying the
events that happened four days ago.
"Vin and I were
just havin' a quiet drink, when in
comes two men, biggest cusses, I ever saw." JD's eyes were wide, recalling
the moment.
"They started on Inez, grabbing her. Their
hands were all over her. I could see Vin gettin' real tense, still-like. I told them to get out and
to leave Inez alone or I'd put them in jail." JD eyes showed anger.
"They just laughed at me. I went to place
them under arrest and one of them got me with a knife. I just remember goin' down." JD's face became flushed with shame at
the rememberin'.
"I didn't help at all. I heard a shot, Vin's gun. I guess he got one of them. The biggest one went
after Vin then, knocked him down. I saw Vin's gun lyin' on the floor."
JD's breath quickened.
"I couldn't seem to get myself ta move. I couldn't get to Vin. It
didn't matter, though, Vin had that big cuss but
good." JD flared with pride for Vin.
"Only, Vin got a little crazy. I've never
seen his eyes like that before. Scared everyone.
.Josiah talked him down. Kept Vin from killin'
that animal."
JD paused and looked at Nettie, who had turned
pale, gripping her tea cup. "Miz Nettie, Vin seemed as if there was somethin' awful botherin' him. He was somewhere else, tryin'
to kill someone else."
JD watched Miz Nettie
for her reaction and then she spoke. "I believe the boy's got some
recollections deep down carpin' on him."
JD looked back into the fire, squeezing Casey's
hand. "Josiah says that Vin'll
be back. He's just findin' his peace." JD eyes
pierced Nettie's, looking for reassurance.
"Well, Josiah is a smart man and knows the
souls of men." Nettie smiled. "Vin Tanner will be back." Nettie
stated firmly, more to herself than to Casey and JD. She would not allow her
claim to be untrue. They all needed Vin Tanner in their lives, whether he was
mindful of it or not.
Nettie looked out the window at the distant
hills, watchin' for signs of him. "He'll be
back."
*******************************************
Three nights and four days had past as Vin sat cross-legged clothed only in his pants,
bare-chested. His eyes were closed. His thoughts searching for an answer, a
vision, that might lead him home.
His vigil had not offered him puha. Vin was hungry, exhausted
and thirsty. The Comanche had taught that only through pain and hardship would
the visions come. Only then, he would find his medicine.
It had been a torturous journey with visions of
his ma dyin' and life on the farm after his ma's passin'. He felt every beatin'
over and over at the hands of his keeper. He heard the taunts of the three boys
callin' him names. Vin's
misery gave them abundant satisfaction. Their only source of happiness was in
the torturin' of the less fortunate. Vin was angry at his weakness of size and strength. He could
not shield himself from the aggressions of the man or the three boys. His only
refuge was workin' in the kitchen with the woman. His
only pleasure was helpin' her after the baby had
come.
Vin shuddered at the vision of a spirit, so pure,
so bright, it was visually blinding in his mind's eye. Vin
heard the distant call of an eagle, that altered into a baby's cry. Vin opened his eyes to the sight of an eagle in flight
overhead, vast banks of gray clouds encircling it. Vin
prayed to the eagle spirit for insight and guidance. His vision had shown him a
path. A baby's cry. Vin
nodded his head, his eyes pained from deprivation, but clear for the first time
in many weeks.
His medicine bag had been taken away from him
many years ago by the Rangers. Vin was only able to
save his stone and a small eagle feather. He had kept them wrapped securely in
a bandanna. He had kept them in tribute to his life with the People, but long ago
lost faith in its magic. In his disbelief, all power was lost from his puha.
Vin weakly rose from the ground. Every
muscle and joint aching from the grueling punishment of sitting days at a time
with little movement. Hunger clawed at his belly, his thirst strangling
him. He had a chill from the still acutely cold nights.
Vin had one more task to complete, before he could
return to town. He staggered towards his saddlebags, opening them up to
retrieve his feather, stone and a new medicine bag he had crafted. Vin had gathered medicinal herbs and other tributes to be
kept in his bag along with his eagle feather and blue stone.
The rebirth of faith in his puha, strengthened Vin. He
would now look with the eyes of the eagle into his past. The eagle circled above
Vin again, offering him hope, then quickly disappeared
into the gray bank of clouds enclosing it. Soon after, the rains came.
*****************************
Chris stood in front of the saloon, eyes
searching the outskirts. It had started raining. Chris lifted the collar of his
duster around his neck. He felt a chill from the dampness. The spring rains had
begun and would sometimes last weeks at a time.
Chris looked around with displeasure. He saw the
roads beginning to fill with deep, boot suckin' mud.
They would need to put boards across the roads soon. Chris grinned. 'I'll give
the pleasure of that chore to Ezra.'
Josiah stood beside Chris, trying to ascertain
Chris' frame of mind, before he spoke to him. Josiah surveyed the town and the heavy
rain. He sighed deeply just to let Chris know he was there. This, of course,
was unnecessary.
No response.
"Feast or famine. Seems to be nature's
way." Josiah turned to walk into the saloon, knowing he would not
get a reply from the gunslinger. Chris had turned within himself, not talking
to anyone. Buck was powerless to help and felt slighted by Chris' behavior.
Buck knew he was reacting like a self-centered child, but it pained him that
Chris would not talk to him.
Buck was Chris' oldest friend, but at times he
felt worlds apart from Chris. This caused him great dismay, yet he tried to
graciously accept the way of things. Buck and the boys no longer tried to
cajole Chris out of his despondency. Vin seemed to be
the only one who could bring comfort to the gunslinger.
Chris' eyes followed Josiah into the saloon. He
glanced one more time down the road, before pushing open the batwing doors. Hell, might as well get a drink while I'm waitin'.
Inez saw him comin'
and had a whiskey ready. Chris nodded his thanks and sat down at his table,
hunching over his drink. He could hear the boys laughing, prompting an anger to rise in him. He glared over at them and turned
away. Damn them. Damn them for being able to go on...why couldn't he learn to
get on with things? They seemed unmindful of Vin being
gone. All of them settin' there like nothings happened.
Chris threw back his whiskey and walked angrily
outside. He stopped abruptly when he saw the blazed-faced gelding makin' it's way slowly into town.
The rider appeared slumped over the saddle horn, which caused Chris unease, a
tightening growin' in his chest. Chris pushed opened
the doors and yelled to Nathan.
"Nathan git yerself out here." Chris yelled across the saloon. "Vin's
back and he don't look good."
Nathan's chair fell to floor behind him as he
hastily raced outside. The others followed close behind him, each one troubled
at what they might find.
Chris was running down the boardwalk, duster
flying behind him. He jumped down into the muddy street, coming to the side of
Peso. "Whoa, whoa Peso." He soothed. "Whoa there, fella."
Chris looked up at Vin.
There appeared to be no blood, no knife or gun wounds
that he could see. But, somethin' was wrong. Vin was
slouched further down now, over Peso's neck. As Nathan ran towards them, Vin slipped to the side falling from the horse. Chris and
Nathan caught Vin before he landed in the mud of the
rain soaked road.
As Chris and Nathan carried Vin
to Nathan's clinic, JD grabbed Peso and brought him to the livery. Josiah, Buck
and Ezra walked behind Chris and Nathan, waiting to offer assistance if the
need arose. It was difficult going, each step becoming more and more of a
challenge. The weight of their burden and the constant pulling of their boots
from the mud began to undermine their strength. Josiah quietly stepped forward
and took the slight tracker from them.
"Get the clinic ready, Nathan." He
spoke softly. "I've got, Brother Vin, now." Josiah effortlessly
walked through the mud and on to the boardwalk. Chris kept pace with him never
allowing his eyes to leave Vin.
Nathan had started a fire in the stove, warming
the small, sparse clinic. He had several blankets at the foot of the bed,
waiting to wrap Vin in them as soon as he removed the
rain drenched clothing.
Nathan looked at Vin
with a solicitous eye. "What has this fool boy done to hisself?"
As Nathan stripped and cut away at Vin's clothing, he
noted the sunburn chest, back and face. "This boy looks like he was starvin' hisself. Look at his
stomach almost sunk in ta his backbone. Vin's scrawny enough as it is. What's he tryin'
to do, kill hisself slowly."
Nathan cut short his tirade as he spotted the pouch tied to Vin's
side. He was about to cut it away, when Josiah grabbed his arm.
"Don't touch that, Nathan." Josiah
said sternly, looking down at Vin in understanding.
"I ain't gonna
hurt it, Josiah." Nathan grumbled. "It's in the way."
JD looked down at the pouch that Nathan was
about to remove from Vin. "What is it,
Josiah?" JD asked with interest.
"It's Vin's medicine." Josiah had the
look of deep reverence on his face as he spoke. "It's very sacred to
Vin."
"If he had medicine, why didn't he take
care of hisself then?" Sarcasm filled Nathan's
words. Nathan knew about these rituals, but still could not hold back his
annoyance. "He's got medicine on him while he's killin'
hisself?"
"Nathan, calm down." Chris commanded.
"What are ya talkin' about, Josiah?" Chris
wanted answers. "What's this medicine all about?"
The men looked at Josiah waiting to be illuminated
on the puzzling picture before them. Vin , though lookin' thinner, was still very much intact and unhurt to
the eye. Josiah sat on the foot of the bed looking at Vin
with unbridled admiration. The men silently waited for Josiah to speak as
Nathan worked on the tracker.
Nathan began wipin' Vin down with a cloth trying to dry and warm him. He had
already started brewin' his medicinal tea and placed
a glass of water near the bed. He needed to get water into Vin.
He appeared to be slightly dehydrated. Vin also needed
some food. If it had been four days or more since he had eaten, it would have
to be slow goin' before he put anythin'
substantial in his stomach.
"I believe, Brother Vin
has been on a vigil. That's his medicine bag. The Comanche wear theirs like
that. Their puha or medicine is held in high regard.
It's as important as their manhood. That's why it's kept in such close
proximity." Josiah let out a laugh. "You should understand this
better than any of us, Buck."
The men chortled at Josiah's remark. Nathan
continued caring for Vin while the men listened
attentively to Josiah.
"First, I want ya to know that Brother Vin is more than likely, just exhausted, hungry, and dry to
the bone." Josiah looked at Nathan for his opinion. Nathan nodded his agreement.
"I do think he's caught hisself
a bad chill and if he don't get food and drink and rest in him, he's gonna make
hisself worse off." Nathan was still furious
that these men caused themselves bodily harm without any forethought.
"He'll rest and eat. I'll see to
that." Chris stated. No one expected anythin'
less.
"Josiah, tell us more 'bout this
vigil." JD requested, always curious about Vin's
life with the Comanche, but never quite bold enough to ask Vin outright.
"Well, before a boy goes on his first hunt
or war trail, he must gain his puha or medicine. Kind
of like magic, JD." Josiah paused, seeing if the men were understanding. "The boy must go off alone in a revered
or special place and wait for his vision. Visions usually come after some
hardships are placed on the body. No food, no water, no sleep."
Nathan interrupted. "What Josiah means is
they cause themselves to become delirious from starvin',
or practically dyin' of thirst." He frowned down
at Vin. "Or deprivin' themselves of sleep."
"I know as a healer it's
hard fer ya ta accept,
Nathan." Josiah hoped Nathan would try to open his mind to this sacred
passage. "But, ya know how important it is to Vin.
And it looks like it may have been successful."
"Why's that, Josiah?" Chris asked, lookin' for hope wherever he might find it.
Josiah gave a slow smile lookin'
from face to face. His broad grin brightenin'
the room.
"He came back." Josiah's laughter
reverberated through the clinic. "He came back."
The men burst out with their own joyous hoots
and hollerin', slappin'
each other on the back. Chris looked down at Vin with
a smile that reached his eyes.
Chris softly spoke the words again. "He
came back."
********************************
"How 'd ya'll 'pect a man to git any rest 'round
here with all yer yammerin'?
Vin's eyes were still closed, a small smile playin' at the sides of his mouth. 'Damn, it was good to
be...home. Home, maybe there was some truth to that, maybe.'
"Shit, Tanner, you have a hell of way of ridin' inta town." Chris
feigned irritation. "Shoulda let ya fall inta the mud."
"What stopped ya?" Vin
rasped, grabbing at the water glass that Nathan handed to him.
Chris was about to speak, when Nathan cut in
impatiently. "What'd hell were ya tryin ta do ta
y'self?" Nathan waited for Vin
to look up at him. "Well?"
Vin shrugged and looked towards the small window.
"Somethin' I had ta do."
Nathan turned to get more water and some broth
for Vin. "Well, I jist
hope it was worth it." Nathan handed the glass back to Vin.
"I jist hope it was worth ya starvin'
and damn near killin' y'self."
Nathan stared down at Vin
with worry in his eyes. He hoped this vigil offered some answers for the
tracker. Nathan could cure some of the ills of the body, but the ills of the
soul...Nathan wasn't so sure if even Josiah had the cure. Nathan patted Vin on the shoulder. "Git
some rest, now."
He turned away catchin'
Chris' eye. "Ya'll better git y'self some rest, too." Chris started to balk at the order.
"Vin's fine, Chris. He's jist
gonna git some needed sleep. Ya don't want ta be disturbin' him now, do ya?
The men, one by one, approached the bed.
"Good ta have ya back, Vin." JD smiled down
at Vin.
"Glad yer all right." Buck patted Vin's foot.
"We were very much aggrieved by your
absence. Welcome back, Mr. Tanner." Ezra saluted with a touch to his hatbrim and turned away, relief filling his eyes.
"Our lost sheep has returned to the
fold." Josiah grinned down at Vin. "Get some
rest, son."
They quietly walked out the door. Each one
thankful for Vin's safe return. They headed for the
saloon for a drink and for some much needed merriment.
"Damn, thought they'd never quiet
down."
Vin was embarrassed by the show of warmth. He
turned away from Chris and Nathan feeling overwhelmed by the events of the past
few days.
Chris watched Vin
closely sensing his discomfort. He slowly rose from the chair by the bed. With
a gentle squeeze to Vin's shoulder, he spoke in a
whisper. "Git some rest, Vin."
Chris headed for the door, nodding to Nathan.
Before the door closed, Chris heard the soft rasp of "Thanks Cowboy."
*************************************
"Gittin' out of here, now." Vin looked around the
clinic for his clothes. He had slept for two days and was fed up with being
cooped up inside. It was enough, whether Nathan was agreeable to it or not. He
wasn't gutshot or any other damn thing. He had been jist too damn tired and too damn hungry, but hell, he was
fine now." Where the hell is Nathan and where the hell
are my pants?"
"Nathan, Nathan!" Grabbing the blanket
from the bed, Vin wrapped it around himself. Why the
hell does he always take a man's pants and boots? That
Nathan's got a damn mean streak a mile long. "Nathan, Nathan!"
Vin shouted out the door. Where the hell was
everybody?
Nathan ran up the stairs two at a time. He had
never heard Vin so ornery. As he reached the doorway,
he saw Vin pacing the room with a blanket around his
waist, occasionally tripping over it and cussin'.
"What the hell are ya tryin'
ta do Vin, wake the
dead?" Nathan tried to look threatening, but knew the tracker's wrath was
headed his way.
Vin turned towards Nathan impatiently, blue eyes
filled with irritation. "Damn it, Nathan. Why the hell, are ya always takin' my pants?" Vin truly
was confounded by this habit of Nathan's. Takin' a
man's pants and boots, jist damn mean spirited thing ta do. Almost, as bad as takin' a man's horse.
"Vin, jist set
down and calm down." Nathan pointed to the bed. "I got yer pants and things fer ya. Ya jist had to ask." Nathan went to the cupboard and
pulled out the bottom drawer. Vin watched as Nathan
took out his pants, shirt, longjohns and boots from
the drawer. 'That's where he keeps things.'
"Had to get ya a
new shirt from yer wagon. The one ya were wearin'
got torn up some." Nathan handed Vin his
clothing. Vin grunted, grabbing at the clothes,
fearful that they would be taken away again. Nathan looked at Vin troubled by his actions. "Vin, ya only had ta ask." Nathan looked
directly into Vin's eyes. " Yer not a prisoner here. Jist
given ya time ta git yer strength back."
Vin looked down at the floor. "Aw,
hell, Nathan. Jist feelin'
closed in is all." Vin
continued putting on his boots, too ashamed to look at Nathan. "Didn't
mean ta get so surly with ya. 'Preciate all ya done fer
me."
Nathan whacked Vin's
thigh affectionately, showing his understanding. "Well, git yerself dressed and git outta here."
Vin quickly got dressed. Nathan handed him his coat
and gun, holding on to the gun as Vin reached for it. Vin stopped and looked at Nathan. Nathan shifted his feet
nervously.
"Vin," Nathan began hesitantly.
"If ya ever need ta talk or anythin',
I'm here. Gist wanted ta let ya know." Nathan
quickly let go of the gun, not wanting to cause Vin
any more uneasiness.
Vin set the mares' leg down on the bed, silently
putting on his coat and hat. He turned to face Nathan, eyes hidden away by the
hat brim, emotions hidden too. At first the words wouldn't come, his voice
caught in his throat. "Thanks, Nathan. Thanks fer
everything." Vin tipped his hatbrim
and walked out the door.
***************************************
Vin studied the town from Nathan's porch.
Everything was as it should be, peaceful and friendly like. Vin
took in the air deep down into his lungs. His ponderins'
had not caused him grief since his return from his vigil. Vin
knew he had to, in due time, lock horns with whatever had a grip on him, but
not today. Today was a good day to be alive. He had his medicine, his friends
and ...Vin hesitated...his home.
A contented smile touched the corners of his
mouth. His eyes held a calm and his heart held a peace
that had been missing since his ma's passin'. Though
life with the Comanches had been kind to him,
something had been missin'. Maybe, he had found it in
this dusty backwater that seemed to be seepin' inta his soul.
Vin hopped down the steps, almost lighthearted. He
whistled a tune as he walked down the boardwalk, lookin'
for Chris. Vin felt like some quiet companionship and
a cold beer.
"Good afternoon, Vin." Miz Potter called out as she swept in front of the store. "Nice to see you looking so well."
Vin blushed, smiling widely. "Afternoon, Miz Potter. Thank ya." He tipped his hat and sauntered
down the walkway.
People greeted him as he walked towards the
saloon. Vin greeting them with a tip of hat and shy
smile.
"Hey, Vin."
"Afternoon, Joe." Vin
acknowledged quietly.
"How are you, Mr. Tanner?" A pretty,
young woman asked, smiling coyly.
"Jist fine, Miz Jane. Thank ya fer askin'." Vin tried to move
quicker, the anxiety from all the well wishin' was takin' a toll on him.
"Good afternoon,Vin."
Vin smiled and returned a greeting.
"Afternoon, John."
Chris Larabee sat in front of the saloon, a grin
on his ordinarily somber face. He could see Vin was growin' weary of the townsfolk's amiability. He hoped Vin made it to the saloon intact. Chris saw sweat start to
run down Vin's angular features. Vin
was startin' to look a might queasy.
Chris started to laugh out loud, no longer being
able to hold back his amusement. The others came out to see what had Chris
Larabee laughing and laughing loudly at that.
Buck looked in the direction that had Chris'
attention. A slow, knowing grin crept to his face. JD whooped loudly. Ezra and
Josiah laughed resoundingly, observing the discomfort of the taciturn tracker. Vin looked towards the saloon and scowled. 'What the hell
are they hootin' and hollerin'
'bout?'
"Next one ta
laugh, I'll skin 'em alive." Vin
threatened with a growl, reachin' for his knife.
Chris only laughed louder. "Ya'll be first, Larabee."
Vin was next to the men now as he spoke. "Damn
no good, cowboy." Vin pushed through the laughin' men and headed through the batwing doors. "Ya'll
like a pack of hyenas. Damn fools."
The men followed Vin
into the saloon, as Vin grabbed a beer from Inez with a soft thank ya, and
settled down at a back table. Chris came in still laughin',
but genuinely tryin' to harness it for Vin's sake and for his own safety. Inez handed Chris a
whiskey bottle and he walked towards Vin's table.
"Ain't no one
invited ya ta set down here." Vin
was angry that the boys saw him so unsettled.
"Don't matter, I'm settin'
down anyway." Chris sat down with fanfare, duster flying out behind him. Vin snorted in disgust. Chris couldn't hide his grin at the
sound.
"Ya'll can stay, if'n ya take that shit eatin'
grin off that ugly face of yers." Vin winked at Larabee, the anger fadin'
fast. The company and the cold beer puttin' his
discomfort ta rest. The boys noticing Vin's demeanor had softened, joined Chris and Vin at the
back table.
"One word and I'll cut the tongues outta yer heads." Vin spoke frankly. " I know
how ta do it, nice and painful like."
No one doubted him. The conversation never once
touched on the subject of the tracker's consternation at the hands of the
townsfolk.
Inez smiled at the men sitting at the back
table. Their happiness at being together filled the dingy saloon. She was
grateful that Vin was back, bringing with him the
serenity that had been missing the past week. Inez said a silent prayer that it
would last.
**********************************
Vin was still weary from his days without food and
sleep, so he bid goodnight to the boys and headed for his wagon. It had been a
good day and Vin hoped that his dreams would be
undisturbed. He gazed at the stars and was thankful to be back. Vin laid down letting out an exhausted sigh, his mind and
body instantly asleep.
"Shut that damn baby up now, boy." The
big man pounded the table with his hands clenched in deadly fists. "Woman,
Git my food. It better be quiet tanight
whilst I'm eatin'."
The woman ran fearfully to the cookstove, grabbing the handle of the burning fry pan
forgetting to use a rag to protect herself. The woman
cried out, dropping the pan and hamsteaks onto the
dirt floor.
"Ya stupid woman! Clean it up now and git
me some food 'fore I take a switch ta ya." The
man glowered over at Vin and the baby. Vin held the baby girl close to him, gently rockin' her and hummin' bits and
pieces of songs he remembered from his ma.
"Boy, git over there and help. Yer worthless ta me and this farm."
The man sat down at the table, slammin' his fist
again hard. Vin jumped, still holdin'
the baby to him tightly. He quickly went to help the woman, who was silently
crying and trying desperately to clean and salvage the steaks for the man's
supper. Her hand was burnt badly and Vin felt sad for
her. He felt anger, too. Anger fer being too small,
too weak to help the woman, the baby girl and himself.
Vin didn't remember the man being so angry at the
woman, when he had first arrived at the farm. It seemed that the man's fury
came on after the baby was born. It was a girl, which the man didn't like a'tall. But something else was wrong. Vin
didn't know what it was that could be makin' the man
so cruel towards such a beautiful baby.
The woman carried the hamsteaks,
potatoes, green beans and biscuits to the table. Her hands shook from fear and
pain. She was waitin' for the man to lash out at her,
but he remained quiet, staring down at the food.
"Yer worthless, woman. Ya cain't cook and ya birth a baby that
ain't right. That baby's good-for-nothing, too."
The man spoke with a restrained rage.
Vin tensed, knowin' that
someone would suffer for causing the man annoyance. The man rose from the table
and walked slowly and deliberately towards Vin. Vin felt a shivery fear run over him. He had felt the brutal
blows of the man many times before and did not wish to feel the pain again.
But, It wasn't Vin that the man took in a deadly grip.
It was the baby. The beautiful baby girl.
Vin tried to snatch the baby back from the man, punchin' and kickin' with
everything he had inside him, but he wasn't mighty enough. The man knocked Vin to the floor with a fierce kick to his belly. Vin coiled up into a ball, rollin'
from side to side, unable to catch his breath. Vin
thought he would never breathe air again. He was lightheaded and unfocused, but
he could still hear the anguished shouts and screams of the woman. Before
everything went to darkness, Vin heard the terrifyin' cries of a baby.
The baby's cries filled his head. Vin covered his ears to quell the haunting sounds of the
fearful wailing. "Nooo!
Nooo!"
Vin woke himself with his screams. His hands reached
up to his forehead wipin' the sweat and long hair
from his face. His clothes were sodden with perspiration from anxiety and fear.
Vin heard an eagle's call in the distance or was it in
his head? His hands were shakin' and his body shiverin' with the fearful recollections of a scared young
boy.
Vin laid himself back down in the comfort of his
wagon tryin' to git more
rest 'fore the sunrise. He and the boys were headin' to Nettie's in the mornin'.
Vin still shook with tension, as he rest his head on
his arm.
"Damn!" Vin
closed his eyes and tried to sleep. "Damn!"
*******************************
"Hey, Vin."
Chris knocked hard on the side of the wagon. "Let's git a move on. The boys are 'bout ready ta head out."
Vin sprang up startled at hearing Chris' voice. "Aw, Hell." Vin cussed
out loud. Chris smirked when he heard Vin's disgust at
himself for oversleepin'.
"Don't be so hard on yerself."
Chris said with understanding. "Yer
still tryin' to mend."
Vin appeared from the wagon, putting on his coat
and hat. Taking a long pull from his canteen, he rinsed his mouth and spit out
the water at his feet. He wet a bandanna and wiped his face. Chris watched as Vin finally looked at him and spoke.
"No 'cuse.I shoulda b'n awake long 'fore sunrise." Vin walked
towards the boys. Peso had been saddled and was actin'
mettlesome. Vin was not in the mind fer foolin' with a cantankerous
horse.
"Thanks fer ready'n the mule fer me,
JD." Vin tipped his hat and stood by Peso.
"Yer welcome,
Vin." JD said enthusiastically. The other men smiled at JD.
Buck laughed, shaking his head in mock
disbelief. "That fool boy ain't got 'nough sense to be afraid of a beast like Peso." JD
smiled broadly, not being able to contain his pride at being able to do
something that only Vin could do, and damn well doin'
it good!
"Let's ride." Chris shouted. They rode
off, Vin taking the lead.
A smile came to Vin's
lips when he thought back to yesterday, rememberin'
the boys fallin' all over themselves volunteerin' to come with him to Nettie's. They showed
their carin' in action. It brought solace to Vin
Tanner that he had people that would stand by him. Chris came up beside Vin. They rode together in silence, listening to the jestin' and teasin' betwixt the
men behind them. A quick smile reached Vin's lips as
he looked at Chris, rolling his blue eyes filled with lightness.
***********************************
Nettie watched the arrival of the men from her
front porch. Her heart quickened at the sight of the slight brown-clad figure
riding towards her. Straining her aging eyes, Nettie anxiously searched the
young tracker for signs of disquiet. Her boy was home. Nettie hugged her arms
around herself, wishing that she could do the same to the young man that she
had come to love like a son. She knew in time with patience and understanding
that Vin would one day accept the caring touch of the
people who loved him.
The men took their horses to the barn, tipping
their hats and calling out a Good Mornin' to Miz Nettie as they sauntered by the porch. Nettie greeted
them in turn. Vin stopped in front of Nettie before
moving on with the rest of the men and smiled tenderly up at her.
"Sorry it took me so long to git here to take care of them repairs." Vin spoke apologetically. "B'n
a might tied up with a few things."
"A few things you'd like to share with me, Vin?" Nettie stared into Vin's
eyes, hoping she could get the quiet man to talk to her.
Vin nodded at her. "Maybe."
He tipped his hat and turned away towards the barn.
**********************************************
The men worked hard all day, taking care of
fencing that needed replacing, fixing shingles that came loose on the house and
barn, and removing and sawing trees that had fallen during the winter's
barrage.
Nettie stayed inside the house, cooking up an
array of victuals. The tantalizing aroma of roasted turkey, mashed potato,
green beans, a rich gravy and biscuits called out to
the ravenous men. When Nettie shouted out to them to come and eat, they washed
up quickly and raced each other into the small house.
Nettie laughed loudly. "You men are worse
than children the way ya go on."
They all scrambled for a seat and reached for
the steaming food, throwing biscuits to each other and amiably passing the
turkey, green beans, potatoes and gravy. Nettie loved to watch the men eat.
They ate with such relish, such joy, savoring each mouthful, appreciating good
food, good company and a warm home, so often a distant memory for the likes of
these men.
"Casey, honey, come set down and eat 'fore these boys leave ya nothin'
but crumbs."
Nettie continued laughing at the sight of food
disappearing fast. She watched Vin eating slowly, but
heartily. JD had mentioned to Nettie that Vin had been
out in the wilds performing some sort of Indian ritual that involved not eating
or sleeping. She worried for the boy, but he looked fine right now. She would
try to get him to talk later, when they were alone.
"Miz Nettie, come
set down an eat 'fore it's all gone." Vin stood up to allow Nettie his seat.
"Set down, Son and finish yer meal." Nettie whacked him on the arm, directing
him back to his chair. "I et
'fore you boys got in. I figured most of the food'd
be gone, 'fore I even got the chance ta turn
'round."
Nettie heard the soft raspy laugh of Vin and it gladden her. The other boys seemed to sense his
contentment and they became all the more boisterous. Casey joined in with the
men as they teased JD, just for being JD.
Vin was feeling too good to ponder on the memories
that haunted his sleep, but once in awhile the dream would come back to him. He
knew that his confusion and unrest came from his time at the farm when he was
five. He would have to hunt it down soon. He was tired of feeling like the
prey, never knowing when the memories would find him and hunt him down.
Nettie watched Vin as
he became quiet and thoughtful. The rest of the men were still enjoying the
remainder of the meal.
"Vin, come help me
take the livestock to the barn." Nettie requested. "Looks like the
rains are comin' back heavy."
Nettie hoped this would be her chance to talk to
Vin alone. She would try to find out what needed to be
mended in his soul. She would take care of him and help him through the pain of
whatever was gnawin' at him.
Vin nodded at Nettie and rose from the table,
taking Nettie's arm as they walked out the door.
***************************************
The rain was coming down heavy, as Vin stabled the milking cows. Nettie had gone to check on
the stream that ran through her property. It had never risen to flood stage,
even in the rainiest of springs. The snows were heavy this winter and the
mountain's snowmelt ran its course into the riverbeds and streams.
The stream was set down deep within its' banks. Nettie surveyed it with a schooled eye, knowin' that peril could be afoot. Her eyes caught the
motion of the current and the depth of the waters. It was runnin'
high and fast, but it had been worse.
Nettie turned away to head to the barn, when the
bank gave out from her weight. The rain had saturated the streambank,
turning it weak and precarious. Nettie grabbed at the sodden earth, but it
slipped out of her grasp. Her head striking hard against rocks as she tumbled
into the brisk, frigid waters.
Vin had stabled the livestock and went out into the
unrelenting rainfall. He ran his eyes over the distance, searching for Nettie.
A panic rose in him. The bank showed signs of disturbance and Nettie's hat lay
on the ground. Vin hastened his step and then as fear
seized him, he began running, shouting Nettie's name.
The boys heard the sound of terror in Vin's voice as they sat 'round conversin'
and eatin' pie. They looked at each other momentarily
stunned and then ran to the porch. Chris was the first out the door and spotted
Vin racing towards the stream.
"Good Lord." Josiah uttered in
despair, as he and Chris ran in the direction of Vin,
Nathan in a determined stride on their heels.
Vin was no longer in view as Chris scanned the streambank. "Damn it, Tanner." Chris cursed, fear
leaping into his heart.
"He's fine, Chris." Buck was by Chris'
side in a dead heat with him.
JD held Casey back at the house. They watched
from the porch wide-eyed and anxious. Casey fighting back her
tears. "Oh, JD." She grabbed at JD
for comfort.
"Yer Aunt Nettie's just fine Casey." JD reassured her. She's just got ta be. He said a silent prayer for Nettie, for Casey's sake
and for Vin Tanner's.
Chris reached the stream, looking down into
waters. Vin had Nettie in a firm hold, pulling her
from the stream. The weight of her sodden skirt and duster made it a battle of
wills between Vin and the current. Josiah and Chris
leaped into the chilly waters, grabbing hold of Nettie. Vin
exhausted from his struggles would not abandon his hold on Nettie. The waters
would not win. He would not lose Nettie to them.
"Brother Vin," Josiah called out.
"We've got her." Josiah pulled Nettie to the portion of stream bank
that had not yet been immersed. Nathan reached down with Buck and pulled Nettie
up to them. Nathan put his ear to her face, listening for breath.
Vin still stood in the waters shivering. A horror
mirrored in his eyes. Chris reached towards Vin, but
Vin pulled away. Chris saw that he was somewhere else.
"Come on, Vin,
let's get out of this water before we catch our death." Chris coaxed. Vin did not respond to Chris. "Vin, we need to check on
Nettie." Chris taking hold of Vin set him down on
the bank. Chris sat silently beside Vin, waiting for
whatever would come.
****************************
His eyes brought into focus the legs of a chair
and he felt the coolness of the dirt floor against his cheek. He gasped in a
shuddering breath, trying to bring the air deep into his lungs. He lay dazed
not quite sure what happened, until the anguished calls of the woman and the
wail of a baby brought it all back.
Vin struggled to stand up, using the wall for
leverage. He had a pain in his side, but a worse pain within his heart. Vin ran from the shack and saw the man striking the woman,
blow after blow. The woman would not give up, though the beatin'
was brutal. She was fightin' for her baby's life and
her own with the fierceness of a wild thing, knowing their survival was in her
hands. She tried again to free her baby, but felt a strike to her head so
forceful she lost awareness.
Vin grabbed at the man punchin'
him and clawin' for the baby. The man pushed hard, knockin' Vin down repeatedly, each
time Vin struggled against the man, fightin' for the
life of the baby. The man carried the baby to the water trough, dangling her
over it by her foot. He had an evil in his eyes that caused Vin
to tremble. The baby cried out with a fear inbred in all creatures that were in
peril. Vin gaped in horror, as the man plunged the
baby into the water. He held the baby down, fighting against the struggling
infant.
Vin let out a scream, primal and deadly as he
lunged at the man with all the strength and anger a five year old could gather.
It was not enough as he watched in defeat at the desperate flailing of the
baby's arms and legs. Watching until the bubbles no longer appeared above
water. Watching until the baby moved no longer. The man stood up, breathing
heavy, arms and chest soaked with the waters of death. He turned to Vin glaring.
"Git that buried
now and don't say a word or I'll be tellin' the law
ya done it." The man walked by the woman who was sobbing silently. The
woman looked at Vin with dead eyes. Vin
turned away, spewing.
The baby's eyes looked up at him from the waters
mixed with tears. "Cryin'
waters." Vin whispered down at the infant.
"Cryin' waters."
He buried the baby with as much care as child could bestow, covering the grave
with rocks and making a crude cross out of branches. He bowed his head and said
a quiet "Amen."
The next day, Vin was
sent away.
*****************************************
Vin took in a shuddering breath and looked at
Chris, eyes unfocused. Chris reached his arm to Vin
and squeezed his shoulder.
"Ya all right now, Vin?' Chris asked
concerned. Vin had been seeing shadows somewhere and
appeared haunted as they sat on the bank. Vin looked
closely at Chris, a flash of memory coming into focus.
"Nettie!" Vin
sprang up and climbed to the top of the bank. Chris climbed beside him, pushing
him up over the edge.
Vin had a fear deep inside that Nettie was leavin' him like his ma did. That she would die the death
of the drownin' hand that put down a little baby. It
should not be Nettie's fate, as it should not have been the baby's. Vin refused to let Nettie die. This time he had the strength
and courage to make it so. No one would deny it from him, not even God
Almighty, Himself. Vin did not intend to lose anything
else in his life, not now, no more.
Dropping down beside Nettie, he grabbed her hand
that was so frail in appearance. Yet, she returned a grip so fierce the
intensity of life within her would not be denied. The tears ran down Vin's face masked by the relentless rain. He had thought of
the waters that killed the baby. He had called them the crying waters. Vin could not win the fight for her then and he could not
win the fight for her now. He could only fight for himself and this family. Vin no longer chose to drown in the sadness and defeat that
scarred his soul. He would not be beaten.
"I'm alright, Son." Nettie whispered
softly in Vin's ear as she held him tight. "Stop yer worryin' and help an old
woman up. I'm not plannin' on leavin'
you or this earth any time soon."
Vin nodded and shared the slightest of smiles with
Nettie. Chris stood beside him helping Nettie into the house as the rain
continued to fall.
***********************************
Vin sat on the porch watching the rain and
listening to the men inside. He could have lost so much tonight and was
grateful that the spirits were merciful. Chris came out and sat down beside him
on the steps. Vin nodded his head in greeting. They
remained quiet, listenin' to the calming sounds of
the rain on the roof.
Chris took a deep drag on his cheroot. He was
contemplative, wanting to ask Vin about what had
happened down at the stream. Vin appeared calm. It
seemed he had finally tracked and hunted down whatever had been preyin' on him. Chris chose not to ask, never wanting to
force a man to divulge what he could not. Vin would
tell Chris, if he chose to tell him. Chris accepted this and understood the
need for a man to find his own way.
Vin smiled over at Chris when he heard Nathan fussin' at Nettie. He heard the creakin'
of the door as Nettie walked outside. Vin rose getting
Nettie her favorite rocking chair and bundled the shawl and comforter around
her.
"Ya'll gotta stay
warm, Miz Nettie. Don't want ya gittin'
sick on us." Vin continued tucking the comforter
tightly 'round her. Nettie looked into his eyes and smiled, taking hold of Vin's hand.
"I'm jus' fine,
Son. Stop yer worryin' and
set down beside me, now."
Vin sat next to Nettie, still holding her hand. She
patted it gently, happy for the moment of touching. Vin
sighed contented and sat back against the side of the house. Nettie waited a
moment before speaking. It was time to get this boy to talk. Vin
needed to know that he could share with her anything that might be ailin' him.
"Want ta tell me 'bout it, Son?" Nettie waited, breath held
back, hoping Vin would not turn and run. Vin smiled, looking up at Nettie and shrugged his shoulders.
"'Bout what?" Vin hedged, he knew
what Nettie was reachin' for, but he jist wasn't sure how to set it out there.
Nettie smiled and softly replied, "'Bout
whatever's been carpin' on ya for the past month or
so."
Chris sat silently on the stairs, not wanting to
interrupt. He waited for Vin to speak, knowing that
Vin was mindful that he was listening. It was safer this way for both of them.
Vin took a long time studyin'
on his words. How could he share this with Nettie and Chris? He had been weak
and failed that sweet baby. Vin knew his life had not
been easy, but he refused to allow it to defeat him. He did not feel pity for himself,
nor did he want pity from anyone else. Though Vin was feelin' crowded and wanted to light out, he decided to face
this moment head on with Nettie and Chris.
Vin still held on tightly to Nettie's hand,
grateful for the comfort it gave him. His softly spoken words filled with
sorrow floated on the wind.
"After my ma's passin',
they sent me away ta a farm. Needed me ta help work their homestead. Nothin' more.
I warn't big 'nough. I's a might scrawny when I's a little feller." Chris
and Nettie smiled picturing a very young Vin Tanner.
Vin continued speaking. There was no turning back.
"There was a baby. She was a beautiful thing, but she warn't
right. The man got real worked up one night and grabbed that baby from me.
Kicked me and knocked me down hard. I musta blacked
out fer awhile. When I came to I heard the baby cryin'. I ran outside ta help,
but I couldn't."
Vin sighed with defeat, rubbing his hand over his
eyes. Nettie gave Vin's hand a reassuring squeeze,
urging him to continue. Chris lit another cheroot, uneasiness settling in him.
"I punched and kicked and damn near got
myself kilt, tryin' to save that little baby's life.
It warn't no good. He took
that little gal and drowned her. Jist drowned her
'til she stopped strugglin' and fightin'
him. I can still see those eyes. He made me bury her. Told me if I said anythin' he would tell the law I's the one that kilt that
beautiful baby. I got sent away the next day. Couldn't git far 'nough away from that
place ta suit me."
Chris felt as if he was punched in the stomach.
Nettie sat quietly for a while eyes filled with tears, holding fast to Vin's hand.
"Ya cain't blame yerself for other
people's evil doings.
That man warn't any good. Ya did the best ya could fer that baby. I know ya, Vin Tanner, and I know ya would
fight ta the death ta
protect those that cain't help themselves."
Nettie looked directly into Vin's eyes, willing her
thoughts to be understood. "You are a good man with a good heart. Don't ya
ever fergit that. Yer ma
would be proud of ya and I'm proud of ya, too."
Vin struggled to rein in his feelings. He felt
their betrayal bitin'at him. "Thank ya, Nettie.
That means an awful lot ta me." Nettie gave Vin's hand a gentle pat, but wanting to give him a motherly
hug. In time, she mused, in time.
Chris rose and leaned against the porch railing,
his eyes meeting Nettie's. Nettie silently reassured Chris with a smile that Vin would be fine. Chris nodded, a whisper of a smile
reaching his lips.
The night's darkness enveloped them as they
quietly sat together. Chris and Nettie shielding the gentle soul that sat
solemnly at their feet. Chris walked towards Vin
giving a slight kick to Vin's boot.
"Ya all
right?" Chris asked, lighting a
cheroot.
"Right as
rain." Vin
smiled wryly up at Chris. Vin stared out into the
stormy night, taking out his harmonica. Chris groaned and Nettie let out a
gentle laugh.
"Shut the hell up, Larabee." Vin growled, smiling to himself.
Nettie gently tapped Vin
on the arm. "Ya watch yer mouth, Vin
Tanner."
"Yes, Miz
Nettie." Vin replied apologetically, still
smiling.
Vin looked up at Chris and Nettie with a silent
thank you reflected in his eyes. Placing the harmonica to his lips, he began to
*play*. Random notes filled the night, first soft and gentle, then lifting
themselves joyously, floating out into the rain, spilling over with the lore
and love of family. Vin Tanner sat contentedly sharing his song of home.
THE END
Please email (KBJ) Kimberly with any comments.